Motherhood

 Natalie discovered a little toy giraffe that she really likes.

 Fancy!

This wrap almost always calms her immediately.  She hates getting in it, but once she's there, it's magic.

You may notice that many of our photos have a yellowish tinge to them.  This is because we rarely use the flash on our camera when photographing Natalie and instead utilize the light of the room.  Above is one instance where we did use the flash - you can see that it surprised her!

We've had a legit cold spell in Tucson.  It rained all day Saturday, and the low temperature plummeted to 30 degrees in the middle of the night.  We were supposed to go to the Luminaria Nights Christmas event at the Tucson Botanical Gardens on Saturday, but it was cancelled due to the weather.  So I used that time to go out to Old Navy and pick up some warm clothes for her.  Isn't she adorable?  The following night we did get to go to the Luminaria event.  I think Natalie was warmer than either Taylor or I.  

I have been doing a lot of thinking about motherhood recently (crazy, I know).  Before Natalie was born, I was very resistant to the idea of being "a mom."  I had always wanted to have kids, but the idea of my identity being based solely around motherhood was scary.  I thought that being a mom would wipe out other important parts of who I am.  However, now that I have a child, my perspective on this has shifted.  It is very important for me to maintain who I was before Natalie's arrival, but I LOVE being Natalie's mom.  She is such a precious gift, and I cannot imagine life without her.

One of my sister's friends had told her that when someone asked her if she liked being "a mom," she responded, "Well, I love being Sam's mom."  To me, this is a subtle way of differentiating between getting your identity from motherhood vs. enjoying the beautiful task of raising your child as one part of who you are.   After considering this, I could actually see myself balancing the many demands of motherhood, and I had less fear about losing my identity.

There have been several times that I have felt tinges of disappointment because of something we cannot do, a trip we cannot take, or goals I will not accomplish on the expected time schedule due to Natalie's presence.  But that tinge is quickly replaced by the feelings of deep love and gratitude I have for this child; I wouldn't trade Natalie's presence with us for anything.  I wouldn't even delay it a few more months (which is how I did feel early in pregnancy).  I often wonder, "Why did we wait so long to have a child?"  This is a big change for me, and it is one more example of how much my thinking has changed as a result of having a daughter.