Goofy-looking, isn't she? :)

I don't usually post "deep thoughts" on this blog, mostly because I don't think many people care to read what I'm thinking about. :) I'd rather talk about what I'm thinking! But the last few weeks have been eventful, and I've had time (woohoo - school's out!) to actually process all that has gone on.

I'm talking about my dog's near-death. It was so hard to deal with! As we walked through all of those events last week, I kept thinking, this is one of the hardest things I've had to deal with. And then I realized, wow, my life is pretty easy, if this is the worst I've experienced. It's been a long time since I've deeply grieved anything or anyone.

The worst part wasn't so much accepting that Lizzie was probably going to die. Yes, that was terrible, but terrible things happen. The worst part was watching life drain from her daily. Literally. It was so painful to see something that you love lose its grip on life. And then we had to make a choice: give her a medication that would heal her, or that would kill her. We made that choice, and miraculously, she is healing! But along with her improvement is the knowledge in the back of my mind that this can - probably will - happen again. So for the moment, I thank God for preserving my dog's life - even though she's just a dog - and I know that at any time, anything can happen, to anyone. I'm grateful for the reminder of the fragility of life. I haven't had many of those.

It's always bothered me that our culture doesn't acknowledge grief as an important process. It seems that we understand someone dealing with acute grief, but we fail to understand that it is a long-term, maybe lifelong process. It shapes who you are. I love the accounts in the Bible of the wailing and mourning for someone who had died. I think it's such a healthy, communal way of walking through the dark places. It seems that in our culture, we often walk alone in grief. I grieved for Lizzie all week last week. I think I cried pretty much every hour of the day. And I was so thankful for the family and friends that allowed me to do that, without minimizing it.

Back to the miracle - I really consider the dog getting better a miracle. She was so close to death, and the medication brought her back to life. When life is restored, is it any less of a miracle when we understand the science behind it? I don't think so.

This made me turn to the story of Lazarus being brought back to life. I read the story with fresh eyes, and the Lord caused me to see so many things in that passage that I hadn't considered before. One of the biggest things was Jesus weeping. Now, I'm sure there are many sermons and books written on this, but I had never realized that Jesus was crying in empathy with Mary and Martha. What else could it be? He knew he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead, but when he saw his dear friends' tears over their brother, he was moved. And he cried because he cared, because it hurt him to see his friends hurting. I know Jesus cares for me, but this passage brought that to life for me.

Side note - the next passage was even crazier, something I'd never noticed before: at the end of John 11, it talks about Caiaphas PROHESYING about Jesus's death. WHAT??? He prophesied that Jesus would die to bring the "scattered children of God" together and make them one. So God told one of His own, who turned from Him, the truth! And Caiaphas misinterpreted it, and he and the others with him decided it would be better to preserve their cultural Jewishness than to know the Truth. Wow. Can someone (Dad) preach a sermon on that and its implications for us to today, please??